The filter.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about this whole blog thing. When I write, I share some deep thoughts of mine, but I keep a strong filter on what I say. As I read other blogs, I wonder how much of what you write is filtered. Often, your blogs convince me that you have much more courage than I to put your thoughts and emotions “out there”. Is there an invisible line somewhere that tells us how much is TMI?

I keep the filter set to high for a couple of reasons. First, fear. Second, fear. Third, fear.

I have a fear that a current or future employeer will read my blog and that will make a negative impact on my employment. I need my job. I wish I didn’t, but I do. Who doesn’t?

I have a fear that I’ll accidentally write something incriminating about my family and they will read it and be hurt. Not only hurt, but then I’ll have an entire new mess to clean up in relationship with them. Family is messy enough.

I have a fear that my friends will see who I really am and no longer be my friends. Now that one is just stupid, and I know it is.  If someone doesn’t know who I really am, they’re not my friend. We all know that. But, still. (read between the lines: I have a fear that the guy I have a crush on will read my blog and not be interested. You don’t have to tell me that’s ridiculous, I already know.)

I have a fear that anyone, and I mean anyone, can read whatever I write. So much for privacy. If you google my name, you’ll find plenty of information as it is. I want to keep under the radar just a little. Now tell the truth, how many of you are about to google my name or yours because of that line?

I originally started this blog so that my family could keep up with me a little better as I move around. Mostly, they don’t read it so I moved on from that. One would think that after 100-something posts, I’d have figured out what this blog is about by now. I enjoy writing about whatever I’m thinking about that day, but like I said, I keep a strong filter. As the new year approaches, and with it those pesky resolutions, I’m considering resolving to blog more intentionally and freely. That probably won’t happen, but I’m considering it.


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