Yesterday during lunch, God and I had a little discussion. It consisted of me being frustrated with the purpose of life. Not just life in general, but my life. Through some of the things I’ve been reading lately, I’m seeing the world in terms of people groups, not individual people. This made me angry with God (or more specifically, angry at my lack of understanding) that he has created the world in a way where large groups of people matter, but individuals don’t so much. Repeatedly, I thought of the people we never hear about – 13 year old Israelite girls who wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, 11 year old girls in the middle of the Congo who are caring for all of their family during a war, etc. The people that God allows to be tortured and suffer, along with their families. For what?
Then back to me – where do I fit in this world? What is my part besides living every day, attempting to pay off my school debt, and being kind to the people around me? Is there really any point to it all? Combine these thoughts with my own insecurities, and I was feeling just plain lost and frustrated.
Last night I went to my final CASA training. The last few weeks have been glorious as I’ve gone through this training. As time-consuming as it was, each class just filled me with joy as I saw that this is what brings me joy and fills my soul with passion. So at the last class a few things happened. There was a poem. Written in spanish, translated into English. As the only Spanish speaker in the room, I read it out loud, and was greatly encouraged when one of the CASA employeers pulled me aside and expressed that I speak beautiful spanish. Where did I learn it? This is going to be so good and helpful. Fast forward 30 minutes to a group activity.
We were practing parts of a investigating a case. The group was to select a spokesperson to deliver the rest of the information. When we sat down to get started, the first thing someone said was “before we even get started I think Kyla needs to be our spokesperson, so let’s just get that out of the way now”. Okay, this might seem small, but felt significant. The last few weeks I’ve been slowly gaining confidence in my abilities, and only a few minutes before the group had eloquently given my thoughts about the quote “Work for justice, act with mercy”. I have been affirmed over and over through this class that this is the field I was created to work in. Sense of purpose? Affirmation and love from God? I think He deserves some credit on this one. Father, thank you for loving me enough to give me affirmation and encouragement exactly when I need and ask for it.