My pastor always says “For every one look to yourself, take ten looks to Christ”.* I’m finally starting to learn what that means.

When I’m wrestling with self-defeating thoughts, sin, and trying to love the unlovable (people who I find challenging to love), I’m learning to follow this process of looking first to Christ as the answer. This is not easy, but as I’m slowly growing I’m finding that when I look to Christ instead of myself, the world isn’t so bleak.

As a 25-year old single woman, I find that I spend a lot of my time trying to devise ways to solve the singleness “problem”. It really isn’t a problem at all, and in fact most of the time I rather enjoy being single. However my culture has shaped me into thinking that I’m not complete until I’ve found “the one”. Thus I have embarassingly been boy-crazy, looking for decent men and hoping that “he” finds me. In an attempt to stop this pursuit and pursue only Christ, I am growing closer to my immediate community and developing a greater comprehension of God’s perfect love.

Therefore, in my continuous attempt to look to Christ, yesterday I sat down and tried, really tried, to think of “ten things” regarding the singleness issue. Mostly because I was craving at least one look to myself. Here’s what I came up with:

1. I am loved by God

2. God has a plan for me

3. I am valuable without a man

4. If the decision to not date is a righteous one, God will affirm that and give me grace to hold to it.

5. There is no need to dive into a relationship that doesn’t even exist.

6. God created men to want to be in pursuit. If a guy is interested in me, he’ll make it known. So “choosing” a guy is kind of out of my hands anyway. (that one is a little confusing, but hopefully you get the basic idea)

7. God created men and women to be in relationship with each other, and I can appreciate the friendship men can provide and what I can learn from them

8. Again, God has a great plan for me and a calling for my life. Nothing can stop that call from being fulfilled, not even myself.



I couldn’t even get to 10!

And some of those really aren’t looks to Christ, but more convincing myself it’s okay not to date. I’m assuming then, if I haven’t learned yet to look completely to Christ, I need to stop depending on myself to figure this life out.

My best friend had a few things to stay on the matter. 9. Psalm 138 (?) God knit you together in your mother’s womb and knows your desires, your thoughts, your hopes and dreams. God’s grace (providence/love) has faithfully carried you this far and will continue to be more than sufficient today and everyday. 10. proverbs 3:5,6: trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean Not on your Own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge God and God will make your paths straight.

 And I love these words from her as well:

“Does he speak your heart language and dance to the rhythm to which you live your life? what does your heart beat loudly for? can he sit and have an 8 hour conversation with you…can you have an 8 hour conversation with him?”

10:1, people. Try it out.

*I’ve recently been informed that this theology is not original to my pastor, but to theologian Jack Miller.


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